F&%$

I’m completely blocked up. This story could go two ways and I can’t figure out which way to take it and it’s driving me a little insane. I had an idea of what I wanted to do with this story and especially this setting, but considering what’s come out of me already taking the story to that idea would mean a lot of patchwork and it feels like I’d end up slapping something onto the story that isn’t really there. On the other hand, I could follow where the story is leading, but I’m worried that this isn’t the right choice, only the easy choice. I don’t know if the story is going in this new direction because of the format of this project or because I no longer have that first idea in me or because I see an easy path. Also, I’m not sure the new idea fits in with the setting as well as my old idea. And I’m completely blocked up about this.

Two night ago I was tossing in bed and I had it, I had it perfectly, I remember thinking that I should get up and write “it” down but I didn’t…I rarely, if ever, do that. My thinking is always that if I can’t recreate whatever thought I had through the actual process of writing, then that thought didn’t belong in the story to begin with. I definitely feel like I lose out on some well worded phrases with this philosophy, but I usually am okay with that because the stories tend to run smoother. What’s happened here, though, is that what “it” is has been redefined between the night I couldn’t sleep and right now. Basically I’m no longer sure what “it” is. I’ve completely lost my way. I don’t even think there’s a right choice to be found here. It’s a little scary.