Why Chipotle Drives Me Insane

burritoI love Chipotle and all, their burritos are a staple of my diet, but every freaking time I order I get fouled up and wind up utterly baffled and mystified.

It starts off fine. On the first half of their little show you choose what item you want, they steam your tortillas, you pick your bean and meat. Fine. Great.

Then we move over to the second half of things and the whole system goes to hell.

First there are tomatoes. Tomatoes chopped up with some onions. Which is salsa. But they don’t call it salsa. They ask if you want tomatoes and then move on to the salsas. The salsas come in medium or hot versions. Hmm…what’s missing? Why, mild is missing. Which would really be a bunch of tomatoes chopped up with some onions. Which we already covered only they won’t call it salsa they call it tomatoes and whatever I get medium anyway and we move on to corn.

Just corn. That’s the next step. I say no to corn and then it’s cheesesourcreamguacamolelettuce. And they have never, ever, over the course of the eight bajillion burittos I’ve ordered there, made it through the cheesesourcreamguacamolelettuce part of the fixins bar with any semblance of what I wanted intact. I always have to back up, say things twice, usually yell at one point as they grab something I don’t want and prepare to put in on my burrito or skip over something I did want and move in to wrap my burrito.

And forget about the “The Guac Costs Extra” hurdle. There’s no telling at what point that information is getting transmitted. They tend to inform me of that at the worst possible moment so as to ensure that I don’t get lettuce.

corn cob

I molest children!

There has to be a better system. Why are the last four items all lumped together? Why does corn go alone? Is it unstable? Why are tomatoes by themselves way at the beginning? Why not move down the line item by item? Or, and I know this sounds crazy, allow corn to be mixed in with some other fixins during the ordering process? Maybe do three at a time there at the end instead of pretending that my yesnoyesyes response to cheesesourcreamguacamolelettuce is getting us anywhere?

I’m just saying is all…