Chuck and Joe’s Bird Emporium

My cousin mentioned to me the other day that someone he knew had changed jobs recently and was now “selling exotic birds from home.” I don’t know if I heard that right or if he heard it right or what the fuck was happening but the notion that this career shift was possible seized me with uncontrollable delight and within minutes I had worked out the following business model and emailed it off. I really think we may have something here:

Chuck and Joe’s Bird Emporium

How many times have you sat around and thought to yourself, “Gee, I could really use a gigantic weird ass fucking bird right now?”

Well wait no further.

At Chuck and Tom’s Bird Emporium we’ve got shit like that. Need an ostrich? We’ll get you a fucking ostrich:

How about a condor? Aren’t they endangered or some shit? Who gives a fuck. You got money, you got a condor:


Bald eagles? We got bald eagles all up in your shit:


Want a penguin?

What the fuck are you even going to do with a penguin? Is your apartment freezing? Because if it’s not freezing you’re going to have a dead penguin in about a week.

You know what? Who gives a shit. You want a penguin, we’ll get you a penguin:

So yeah. Come get some birds or whatever. You can feed them shit and pet them.

Chuck and Tom’s Bird Emporium.