The Spell Check From Hell

I don’t often make broad sweeping statements like this, but there is nothing in the world like churning a 490 page manuscript through Microsoft Word’s spell check for the first time.

Holy hell.

My eyes are killing me and I think I left even semi-rational thought behind hours ago. There’s obviously the sheer weight of words that this thing is checking and the to-be-expected typos. I’m already sick of “awhile” vs “a while.” But my writing appears to be some sort of hybrid language between English and Batshitcrazyglish.

I mean I went for a walk to grab lunch today, debating the entire time whether my creating of the word “crappily” was based enough on the root word “crap” to pass muster.

Then there are names to be added to the computer’s dictionary so it will stop telling me to correct “Fatboy” into “fat boy.”

And I still have no idea if it’s “spacetime,” “space-time” or “space time.” Microsoft Word isn’t exactly up to date on it’s quantum physics.

To top it all off I hate most of this stuff. I hate grammar, I hate rigid sentence structure, I hate pristine writing.

You know what I like? I like expressing thoughts, feelings and tactile sensations with a poetic flow of words that burrows into my reader’s head.

So yeah.

So far I find this process to be proceeding very crappily.