I, Robot Voyeur

RobotLate last week my computer began to have some major malfunctions. I would turn it on and it would tell me that it had to configure the latest Windows updates and to wait. Then it would tell me that it had to restart to let the updates go through. Then it would shut down, restart, and tell me that the updates had failed, so it had to roll back to previous system settings. Then it would shut down, and restart, supposedly to be all better only it would then try to download the newest Windows updates. Then it would shut down. Then it would restart. Then it would revert back and on and on and on.

It got pretty weird after awhile. My computer was just sitting there announcing things to me that made no sense while it turned itself off and on over and over again. I don’t know how to describe it. It felt like my computer was staring me down while it masturbated.

I managed to get a hold of the reins at one point and I did a complete factory reset. This took about 63,ooo years. Seriously. I am sending you this message from the future. Invest in Bitcoins.

And it wasn’t the resetting that took so long, it was getting things back to the way they were before my computer lost its mind. Well, actually that process is still taking place. There are programs to load and folders to copy and settings to manage.

There are also various wonders to behold. Because I’m actually paying attention to what photos I sync or what’s being scanned by Picasa or what I put in my music library, I’m finding all sorts of weird shit.

Like this photo:

Biddle_104

What the fuck is that?

I think it’s the bad guy from a game, but the hell if I know how it got taken.

This isn’t too odd, as the “Screenshot” button for a lot of games sometimes gets mashed while I’m playing, but this photo is titled “Biddle” and was saved in a folder named “Story.”

Did I have a story idea about this? Is this Biddle? Is this Biddle’s nemesis? What the fuck was I thinking?

I also went to do my cardio for yesterday and without thinking I put in my earplugs and queued up my “Top 100 Played Songs” playlist from iTunes.

Then something by Chopin played, then a voice memo I had clearly recorded drunk one night, then some dialogue from Pulp Fiction…aaaaaand then I realized that my iTunes is a blank slate now and it has no idea what I play most often.

I don’t even want to get into the apps that started showing up on my phone or how it’s deciding what it will sync and what it won’t. My computer and my phone are just making these decisions without me. I’m a little scared to get too involved in that process as I don’t want another accidental trip into binary voyeurism to occur.

I thought reformatting my hard drive would be a technological affair where I would have to download programs and remember things from a purely functional perspective.

But it turns out that my relationship with my computer is nearly symbiotic at this point. Changes to it cause weird reactions deep in other parts of my life.

The future is now, people. And it is kind of confusing.